I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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