Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
