Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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