Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
