I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
