I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
