I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
