So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
