wakey wakey hands off snakey
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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