can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Damn victory sex feels great
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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