I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
