She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
