sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
