Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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