I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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