even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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