My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
