You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
