my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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