can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
