Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
