Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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