It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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