Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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