naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
