Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
