i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
