Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I love you. Go after that dick
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
