no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
