i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
