I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
