New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
