just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
