We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
