DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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