So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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