thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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