True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
