Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
