last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
