she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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