No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
