one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
