im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
