Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize