I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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