but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
