i don't like sucking hair
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
