Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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