the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
