I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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